How to check your bags for free when you fly

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 10/15/2015 at 14:19 • Filed to: None

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Flying in the age of checked baggage fees sucks. Everyone carries on their suitcases to avoid the fees, which makes security, boarding the plane, and getting off the plane a nightmare. But with this one simple trick, you can earn $8,317 per week working from home check your bag for free!

I love checking my luggage when I fly. I’d rather gamble on the possibility that the airline loses my suitcase, than have to take it through security. I have enough other shit to deal with going through security. But I don’t want to pay $50 round trip for checking my bag, so like every other asshole who takes too much time finding a spot in the overhead bin for their overstuffed carry-on sized suitcase, I avoid checking luggage whenever possible.

Airlines know full well that way more people are carrying on suitcases. But do the airlines try to come up with some magical more-efficient boarding procedure? Of course not. For example, here’s !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! that basically says “the more money you give us, the sooner you can get on the plane, unless you are a baby and/or senior citizen and then you go on first.” There are a total of 5 boarding groups, the first 3 of which are all reserved for some kind of rewards customer or person paying extra to board sooner.

This weekend, my gf and I flew from Madison, WI to Boston and back for my cousin’s wedding and a mini-vacation. We checked a big folding suitcase for our dress clothes, and carried on two small suitcases for our other crap, so we’d only have to pay to check one bag.

Delta starts boarding their flights 45 minutes ahead of time, since they know the flight’s full, and every damn person on the flight probably has some overstuffed carry-on they’re going to try to heft into an overhead bin. So imagine my surprise when before every leg of my journey, the gate agents got on the intercom to ask if anyone wants to volunteer to check their carry-on suitcases, for free .

I took full advantage of this policy. The only reason I carry on my suitcase in the first place is to not pay for it. Now obviously this doesn’t save you from the hassle of bringing your suitcase through security, but at least you don’t have to try to cram it in and extract it from an overhead bin. It also makes for a much more pleasant stroll through your connecting airport if you’re not on a direct flight, which if you live in a not-large city like I do, is very often.

So as long as you’re on a full flight (which you likely are), you can probably check your bag for free, if you’re willing to bring it through security. It’s not a perfect solution, but hey at least I won’t be this guy anymore:

Or just, you know, fly Southwest, since they don’t charge to check bags.

Ash78, voting early and often > Textured Soy Protein 10/15/2015 at 14:39

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Southwest for me. The joys of living in a medium sized city. I haven’t flown NON-Southwest in almost 10 years.

That’s a lot of paisley hearts for a man’s suitcase. Just saying.

Sam > Textured Soy Protein 10/15/2015 at 14:43

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I did the same thing when I was flying to NYC with some friends. They wouldn’t stop complaining about how much time it was taking, after they got off the plane way after me (when you don’t have any bags, you can usually make a break for it).

pjhusa > Textured Soy Protein 10/15/2015 at 14:46

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I don't fly with any American airline. The experience usually sux.

Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna > Textured Soy Protein 10/15/2015 at 14:47

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My friend who pays extra to fly First Class Domestic on MD80s always laugh at me for having to board near the end (since I can care less about sitting in the front.) but MD80s are so small they always run out of overhead space and then my bags just get checked for free.

Brian, The Life of > Textured Soy Protein 10/15/2015 at 14:50

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I did a GIS on the lede image because I needed to know WTF happened. I found it on this site and now I have SO MANY MORE QUESTIONS!

Textured Soy Protein > Ash78, voting early and often 10/15/2015 at 14:54

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The closest airport Southwest flies out of is Milwaukee, which is about an 80 mile drive for me.

Almost all of the flights out of Madison are to other midwest region hubs like Chicago, Milwaukee, Detroit, Minneapolis, etc. There are very few direct flights to cities on the coasts or in the south. And really that’s mostly where I fly to.

Whenever I book a flight, I always check to see if there’s a non-stop Southwest flight out of Milwaukee. Even though it’s an 80 mile drive, I’d rather do that and check my bags for free, than have to catch a connection out of Madison and either pay more for checking a bag, or do the carry-on suitcase dance.

I draw the line at driving to Milwaukee to get on a connecting flight though.

(Also, I’m not literally that guy with the paisley heart suitcase.)

Textured Soy Protein > Sam 10/15/2015 at 14:57

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It’s ridiculous. On all 4 legs of my trip (Madison to Boston roundtrip, with layovers in Detroit) I ended up toward the back of the plane because I wanted two seats together. It took a good 15+ minutes after pulling up to the gate just to get off the damn plane because EVERY SINGLE PERSON in front of me had to reach up and finagle their suitcase out of the bin.

Textured Soy Protein > Brian, The Life of 10/15/2015 at 14:59

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It’s a baggage cart that got sucked into a plane’s engine, which was the second result when I GIS’d “delta sucks.”

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Textured Soy Protein 10/15/2015 at 15:03

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On my last work trip I did the same thing. I flew United for that one, and all my flights were full and I was always in the last boarding group.

Last year I went on a work trip and flew Delta, and they lost my checked bag and took 3 days to get it back to me (because their corporate policies are asinine). It had some test gear in it which would have been really helpful to have. We had a backup set, thankfully, but having 2 sets would have made the inspection go a lot faster. But I digress.

Due to that experience I’ve been super nervous about checking bags, especially for work trips. So for the last 2 trips I’ve packed all my stuff in a carry-on and backpack. Well on the most recent United flight it was fully and I was forced to check it at the gate. I got a really uneasy feeling when they green-tagged it... but then I saw them carry it, and several other passengers bags, out to the tarmac right from the terminal and load them on the plane. After the flight they unloaded it right before my eyes and brought it to me at the gate.

I might start doing this all the time, or even asking if I can just check it at the gate regardless.

Textured Soy Protein > Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna 10/15/2015 at 15:05

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The funny thing with Delta’s boarding policy is outside of the pre-boarding for babies/seniors, there are 5 distinct boarding groups, the first 3 of which are all different levels of rewards customers. First class goes on first, of course. If you’re in coach and pay for priority boarding, that only gets you into the 3rd boarding group!

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Textured Soy Protein 10/15/2015 at 15:37

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I don’t know if there’s any US airline that does this, but in Canada, if you’re on a Porter Airlines flight, you can gate-check your bag so that you don’t have to bother with the stupid overhead bins (unless you love bothering yourself with the stupid overhead bins) and they’ll take your bags as you board the flight and have them ready for you as soon as you get off of the plane. Doesn’t cost anything extra (well, if anything I’m sure it’s built into the cost of your flight) and at least they have reasonable lounges where you can help yourself to coffee, water, and small snacks before and between flights.

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Ash78, voting early and often 10/15/2015 at 16:01

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I wish Southwest had more direct flights for me. I love the airline but I cannot stand connecting flights. I thankfully live near the Philadelphia and New York areas so I have lots of other options instead. But I would totally fly Southwest religiously if I could get a direct flight to LA.

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Textured Soy Protein 10/15/2015 at 16:04

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I never understand why this takes so long. I always just reach up, grab my bag, and I am on my way. All of the time waiting is because people are weak and/or short and cannot get their bag easily.

Textured Soy Protein > gin-san - shitpost specialist 10/15/2015 at 16:04

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Usually the only things that are gate checked with US airlines are:

Items like strollers that need to be brought through security but won’t fit in the overhead bins.

Suitcases that are large enough to bring through security but too big for the overhead bins on certain smaller planes like regional jets.

Suitcases that fit in the overhead bins but the bins are full of everyone else’s crap.

It used to be, if you fell into that 3rd category, typically you’d have to try and fail to find a place to put your bag. So there’d be a bunch of random bags getting gate checked at the very last minute, with an already-full plane.

But now, at least with Delta, they’re asking for volunteers to gate check their bags before boarding starts, to hopefully avoid last-minute gate checking after everyone’s already on the plane.

Textured Soy Protein > Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) 10/15/2015 at 16:11

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Sounds like you do understand why it takes so long. ;)

There are lots of weak and/or short people and/or people whose bags need to be wedged into the bins, or the bins are full of everyone else’s bags, or the bags are just a little too big and the flight attendant tries to wedge it in, etc.

I look at it this way:

Even if you had a plane full of people who were sufficiently tall and strong to quickly load and unload a carry-on suitcase, and there was enough room for every single suitcase, those people would take more time to board and exit the plane than if none of them had suitcases in the overhead bins.

Back in ye olden days before checked baggage fees, people only brought stuff on the plane with them if they needed it to be on the plane with them, or the occasional folks who didn’t want to gamble on their bag getting lost, or didn’t want to wait at baggage claim.

But now, there’s a much larger percentage of the people on a given plane carrying their suitcases on with them for no reason other than it’s cheaper than checking their bag.

Which is why now boarding starts 45 minutes before a plane is scheduled to push back from the gate.

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Textured Soy Protein 10/15/2015 at 16:15

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I think if it were done efficiently, it would be a perfectly acceptable amount of time spent. Yeah I think baggage fee is my main driver for never checking a bag, but I generally just dislike the amount of time it takes waiting in line to drop off the bag at the check-in counter. I always print my boarding pass at home so I have skipped some seriously long luggage lines. I wish checking luggage was automated or somehow much easier.

Textured Soy Protein > Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) 10/15/2015 at 16:24

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Even if the boarding priority order were designed more efficiently, I think all the carry-on bags would still muck things up.

Getting off the plane follows a much more efficient order, because the people closest to the door exit and then the people behind them follow. Whereas getting on the plane is totally chaotic with people all over the plane getting on at different times for different reasons.

Even with the more-organized unloading process, it still takes forever to fully unload even a small plane when a large majority of everyone has carry-on bags. So if you had a similarly efficient process for boarding, it would still be pretty inefficient, because of the bags.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Textured Soy Protein 10/15/2015 at 16:51

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Luckily they’re able to do all of these items - I just like the fact I can wait while everybody else queues up, get on the plane last, still get my bag checked and not have to worry about running out of overhead bin space.

It would be nice if people packed reasonably, too - I’ve done three weeks in Europe with a single carry-on.